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so, there's this one thing that always moves me to tears, every time it happens,
always,

and it's been happening for years I guess? it's bottled up inside me but seems to easily move to surface every time it's triggered.

:(

gausah ada yg baca ini mendingan, karena emg gue nulis ini seakan gaada yg baca, jadi kalau lo ternyata kebetulan baca, I don't need your comment.


I always feel like I'm the least loved child, and to be exact, by my father.
that's what I always feel this whole time, doesn't mean he's mean to me or something, no, he's still kind.

but I always have this feeling of him not trusting me like he does to my sister, or him not enjoying my company as he does to my brother,

and I can see how he loves my sister and my brother so much, from his gestures, from his sayings, and everything, meanwhile you can see how I always try so hard to get his attention, to be the child he loves as much as he does to my siblings.

that's why I feel this hole in my chest when I see mbadea with her father, maybe I feel envious?
maybe.

it's just sad, to feel like this every time I do.

tau gak sih betapa gue senengnya kalau gue ngerasa bokap gue baik bgt sm gue? gue biasanya sampe nangis :( sering bgt gaboong kayak gitu gue.


seterharu itu